Okay, here we go, folks. The transcript brought to you by a defunct student with far too much time on his hands. ------>8------------->8--------------->8---------- Transcript of Interview on the 1/19/92 episode of Late Night With David Letterman! D == David Letterman J == Jennifer Tilly D: Uh, our next guest has appeared in, uh, many motion pictures including one of my all-time favorite, The Fabulous Baker Brothers. And, uh, she is starring -- the Baker Boys. She is starring in a, uh -- well you know, stricly speaking, they were brothers. So, that, that would have worked as the title of the film -- Fabulous Baker Brothers. Ahh, she is starring in a new series on FOX, called, uh, Key West, which debuted tonight. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the program -- Jennifer Tilly. Jennifer. . . >Some clapping< D: Hi there, Jennifer. J: David -- D: How are ya? It's nice to -- J: -- David. D: Yes. ma'am. J: At the top of the show when you said my name you should take -- a little pause after my name. 'Cuz nobody clapped for me, and my mother's sitting at home going "Oy. . . nobody knows who Jennifer is." D: So, I should, I should -- J: You said, you said, "Tonight my guests are Robert Klein. . ." and everyone went >clap clap clap<. "Me Phi Me. . ." and everyone went >clap clap clap<. "Jennifer Tilly and Paul Schaeffer and the Orchestra." I was waiting to see, you know, how much clapping I would get, and I didn't get any clapping. >Tons of clapping, whistling, etc< J: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. D: Heee, heee, heee, heee, ha, hah. J: What a manipulative audience you have here. There like easy to -- D: Ah, and what a dress! J: Thank you. D: Uh, so, now, now let's talk a little bit -- J: You know, you have breast pads in your wardrobe department? D: I'm sorry -- we have what? J: You have breast pads in your wardrobe department. D: That's, of course, for sliding drills. J: I left you -- >Audience laughter< J: I don't even know what that meant. D: I don't even know what breast -- why we would -- J: Your audience laughed, so I laughed. D: I don't, I don't even know what a wardrobe department is. . . HA! HA! HA! HA! J: I bet -- that's obvious. D: Uh, Jennifer -- J: Yes. D: Let's, let's talk a little bit about, uh -- J: I heard you're going to CBS 'cuz NBC makes you wear pants. I heard that. D: Yeh. J: Alright, it was funny when you said it. D: Ah, huh. J: Yes, what? D: Uh, let, let's talk about, uh -- J: This is my water, right? D: Yeh, help, help yourself to a refreshing beverage. J: Heh, heh, heh. D: I'll just wait -- like I have been since you came out. J: Oh! D: There you go -- Oh, my. Just, just wet your lips -- we're running low. J: I get very dry mouthed when I'm on talk shows because I talk so much. D: Yeh, now -- J: What? D: I'm sorry -- J: What? D: I, I almost formed a complete sentence there, and I thought -- J: That happens to me sometimes, too. D: Now, uh, let's talk about you and your sister, uh, do people mistake you for your sister Meg? Who is the older of the two, who is the younger of the two? J: We never say. D: Really? J: We're like the Collins sisters. D: The Collins sisters. J: You know -- D: Oh, oh, oh. Yeh -- J: Jackie Collins, Joans Collins. Except for, you know, they have about 60 years on us -- combined, combined. D: And, uh, are you -- J: No, actually -- oh, oh, oh. I remember this story now. I'm the middle child. D: Great. J: I know, this goes into a story. The story is that I'm the middle child. Now, this is very amusing, when we were growing up we had nine kids. I was the middle child. My parents didn't know what to do with me. I should talk to you, right? D: Hey, I dunno, you can talk to anybody you like. J: Oh, I did it, I touched your knee. D: You can touch me -- J: Don't you notice when they come on your show -- D: >sigh< J: all the starlets, they touch your knee. They go like this. D: Yeh, yeh, yeh. Well, that's fine, people can -- J: And I swore I would never come on your show and touch your knee, but it's very prominent. >Major laughter< D: Have you, have you ever paused for anything in your life? J: No. D: Now, are you, are you, are you and your, your sister ever -- J: No, I have to finish this story about -- no, this is the story, about me being the middle child. Okay, this is probably not even worth the walk, but -- here it goes. we have nothing but time, right? D: Guess again! J: Oh-kay. Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm. D: Heh, heh, heh. Yessir. J: I'm glad I'm on this show before it got conservative. D: Get -- J: What? D: Get this, get this tape right up to the new network, will ya' Bob?. J: Hmmm, hmmmm. D: Uh, so now, Meg -- uh, Jennifer -- J: What, what, what did you call me? I did a talk, I did a talk show this morning and I got off to a real bad start because of this very thing. D: Really? J: This Meg-Jennifer thing -- It's like kinda a testy area with me. D: Well this would've been solid gold here tonight. J: Alright, yeh. So, I was the middle child. So, the older kids went to bed at 10:30, the younger kids went to bed at 8:30. I had my own bed time -- D: Yeh-heh. J: 9:15. D: 9:15. J: That's the punchline. My own bedtime was 9:15. >Piano roll< Thank you. Thank you, Paul. I bet a lot of people feel like this -- they feel like you know they know you 'cuz they watch you on T.V., you know. Like I feel like I know you and I know Paul. I met Robert -- D: Uh, huh. J: Where is he? I met him at the Improv. D: Wow! J: Yeh. D: That's, uh, that's another great story. Uh -- J: There he is. Yeh, I went up to him, and I was really excited. 'cuz I had met a bonafide celebrity. and he was very taken aback and I think he was like a little frightened, too. And I said "A Celebrity, your a celebrity!" and he said "I am?" and I said "Yes, I see you every night on the David Letterman show." D: Right. J: That's you. D: Thank you. J: And he said -- >Gasp< That camera lit up -- I guess that means I'm on television. D: Yeh. Jennifer, have you thought about a sugar substitute? >Raucous laughter< Just maybe, just kind of, just sort of even 'em out a little bit. Just, just the highs and the lows -- get a little closer together. Heh, heh, heh. J: What did you say abut the breast pads? The sliding -- D: That's for our sliding drills, yeh. Ha, heh, heh, ha. J: Ha, ha, ha, ha, sliding drills. Ha, ha, ha. D: Uh -- J: What? D: let's at least, let's at least mention the, the film your in, here. J: Umm, okay, I have a television series. It's called Key West. D: Key West -- premiered tonight on -- J: Premiered tonight, yes. Nine o'clock on the FOX network, opposite Roseanne and the Inn-aug-orial. D: You'll kill 'em. J: Now, Did I pronounce that right? D: I dunno. Roseanne? Yeh, I think you got that --. J: and the Inn-aug-orial? The Innaugural!! The Innaugural! Opposite Roseanne and the Innaugural! D: Alright -- J: I can't wait to -- D: You're starting to frighten me! I'm actually getting a little scared now. Heh, heh, ha! Woooh! J: Okay. D: And, and the film -- J: I have to talk about Key West, 'cuz FOX paid my way out here. You guys didn't. D: Fine, but -- J: What? D: Do you wanna mention the, the film? J: Uh, yes. Are we out of time? D: >sigh< J: Alright, so the film is called Shadow of the Wolf it stars Lou Diamond Philips, Donald Sutherland, and most of all me. D: Great, great. Good for you. Nice, nice to meet you, Jennifer.. J: Thank you. Nice to meet you. D: Thank you very much for your time this evening. J: Thank you, Bye. D: You, you don't have to leave. Stay right there. We'll be right back! ------>8------------->8--------------->8---------- And be sure to look for a series of fine LNWDL images coming to you soon. -- Thaddeus H. Wood 716 Lighthouse Ave. Santa Cruz, CA 95060 pustule@cats.ucsc.edu -- +1 408.423.8733 -- pustule@world.std.com "At the prompt, please type 'kill -HUP $$'"