From: dschwein@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (schweingruber david)
Subject: letterman-glover transcript
Date: 12 Nov 1993 18:46:07 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
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Message-ID: <2c0llf$679@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>
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In the interest of clarifying the details of the Crispen Glover-David
Letterman encounter which has been discussed recently on this group, I am
posting a transcript of their dialogue from the show.

The episode in which the incident occurred is my personal favorite. It
aired July 28, 1987 and featured Glover, Allie Sheedy, potato chip
inspector Myrtle Young, Larry "Bud" Melman (made sound effects) and James
the Drifter (asked Dave to buy him car). It was re-run on A&E and, I
believe, during "Dave in Danger" week on NBC. 

A couple things about the Glover interview:

A transcript doesn't do it full justice since much of comedy came from
Glover's bearing. He came onto the set facing backstage and his arms
spread as though he were arguing with someone. He was wearing striped
pants (vertical stripes of various widths: off-white, earth tones, light
blue), black platform shoes with huge high heels and a patterned
blue-and-white short-sleeved button-down shirt. He has long, very messy
hair which wasn't cut straight. It appeared to be a wig.

He appeared very nervous and ill at ease. He had a lot of trouble getting
his words out. Because of the way he spoke and acted, the audience laughed
off and on throughout the interview.

Leading up to the kick, Glover places the case (which was on his lap) on
the floor, leans forward and flexes his right arm with his left hand on
the biceps. He leans toward Dave, offering to arm wrestle. He stands and
takes two steps backward. On the first he bangs his right foot against the
case; on the second he steps off the platform and stumbles. He recovers
and kicks his right foot almost straight out and toward Dave's head.

I don't think the kick came close to hitting Dave. During the kick
Glover's left foot stayed near the spot it was when he stepped off the
platform. As he brought his right leg down after the kick, his left knee
bumped into the chair furthest from Dave, who had his hand on the desk but
was sitting behind it (not leaning up over it). I'm guessing the kick was
maybe two or three feet from Dave's head.

Dave kept calm through the whole thing and didn't flinch during the kick.
He played the straight man throughout the segment, which was probably the
best comedic strategy.

Objects were visible in the case, but I have no idea what they were.

Glover's best work was still to come. His brilliant, though brief,
portrayal of Lula's cousin "Jingle Dell," in David Lynch's Wild at Heart
undoubtedly had something to do with the film's best picture award at the
1990 Cannes Film Festival.

Here is the transcript of the Glover segment.

DL: My next guest is a very talented young man, probably best remembered
as Michael J. Fox's father in a film called "Back to the Future." He is
now starring in a motion picture called "River's Edge." Folks, please
welcome Crispen Glover. (Glover walks out.)

DL: Hi, how are you?

CG: Good.

DL: Nice to see you.

CG: Nice to see you too.

DL: How are you doing?

CG: Good, I'm really good.

DL: Things going alright this summer?

CG: I'm having a very good summer.

DL: Where do you live now? You live in Los Angeles?

CG: Yes, that's right. In Los Angeles. I just bought a nice condominium.

DL: Condominium. Where's it located?

CG: It's located just over the hill in the valley and I'm really happy
about it.

DL: For a time you lived in Hollywood? You lived on Hollywood Boulevard?

CG: In Hollywood Boulevard?

DL: On Hollywood Boulevard?

CG: No.

DL: Had an apartment overlooking Hollywood Boulevard? A big high building
you lived in. A big tower on Hollywood Boulevard?

CG: No, no.

DL: Alright. Then we'll just drop that and go on to something else,
alright? Do you do a lot of television shows?

CG: Oh, yes, now because I've been in movies that are big and I'm a movie
star so I've been on talk shows, on the Johnny Carson Show and now I'm
here and I've been all across the United States and I feel really good
about it.

Women from audience: Nice shoes! (Glover looks up at them.)

DL: Do you enjoy the experience?

CG: Yes, I feel very good about them. (A close-up of Glover's left shoe
creates laughter. He pauses and looks confused.)

DL: I notice you have something there in the case. (Points to black case
which is on other chair.)

CG: I knew that this was going to happen and can I tell you because the
press they can do things, they can twist things around. You're talking...
(takes wad of clippings out of pocket) Look, the press says things about
you in the paper and this is a paper, the LA Weekly in Los Angeles, and
they said, they said about me, "Lawdy Daw." It was at a--I went to a club.
And they said, it was at a meeting, and it said, "Crispen Glover, who was
in a (word removed by A&E) frenzy, though his bark is actually worse than
his dot dot dot, you get the point." And then...

DL: Paul, anything you'd like to add here?

PS: (Mouths word "no.")

CG: And then another one, they said, they said, they said, they said
Crispen Glover...

DL: Paul, is this the first time you've seen another guy drown? Is this
the first time you've watched a guy die?

PS: Are you talking about you or him?

DL: No, me.

PS: It's quite entertaining though.

CG: They said, "Crispen Glover was pinstriped and greased up for the occasion
impressing the girl thangs who were trying to get next to him. Guess some
people are turned on by brill cream."

DL: Yeah, well, I don't know.

CG: And then they--I don't have...

DL: You seem to be distraught. You seem to be distraught.

CG: People seem to make me seem a lot weird. And I'm just--I'm strong, you
know. (flexes arm) I'm strong. I can arm wrestle. Do you want to arm wrestle?

DL: No.

CG: (stands up) I've been taking... These are mine... I can kick. (Kicks
at Dave's head.)

DL: Okay, okay. I'm going to check on the top ten. (referring to fact that
top ten list graphics haven't been ready throughout show) (Glover pulls on
Dave's jacket to keep him from going but Dave walks away from desk.) I'll be
back. (Glover sits back in chair. Cut to commercial.)

After the commercial, Dave had this to say:

DL: Okay, welcome back to the show. We're running a little short on time
tonight. I would have loved to have chatted a little more with Crispen
Glover. I understand he had a cab to catch. Traffic this time of night
here in mid-town is pretty brutal so we wanted to ensure every possibility
he would get wherever he was going on time. Did you enjoy that Paul?

PS: It was an interesting segment.

DL: I think that's the first time since we've been doing the show that a
guest actually tried to kick me.

PS: Well, I think it was a conceptual piece.

DL: He came very close to denting my head with those giant shoes. So I
thought, I don't need that. I'm 40. I went to college. I've had a number
of-- That is not how I want my life ended, some goofball, some dork from
wherever-- (moans and boos from crowds) Oh, stop it, stop it. Do you want
to have dinner with the guy? (applause) This is more of a rhetorical
question: is the top ten ready?

Dave closes the show by calling James the Drifter to ask him to cover the
arena football championship game. He makes a joke about dropping Crispen
Glover off in James' hometown  of Butler, Alabama, and seeing how long he
would survive.

PS: Be nice to him now. Don't take out anything on this poor guy, the Drifter.

DL: Would I do something like that? I thought I afforded what's-his-name
every opportunity to make something out of that.

PS: You certainly did.

The next show (and here I am going from memory) opened with a replay of
the final portion of the interview. Letterman wakes up on a couch and Paul
asks him what's wrong. Dave says he just had a nightmare in which Crispen
Glover tried to kick him. Paul says it wasn't a dream. It really
happened. Dave: "What a jerk."


Dave Schweingruber
University of Illinois
dschwein@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu